Once upon a time – in the very early years of my young adult life – I fell in love with a girl who happened to live 350 km away from me. So a long distance relationship – why not? It works fine for others, and surely we’ll be able to move closer (even move in) one day. We only lasted a few months. At first it was just the daily phone calls and text messages (yes, it was that era) petering out, then we just stopped making plans to see each other all together. The relationship died a slow death, so to say, and the interest faded. Back then I simply shrugged it off as “long distance never works”, but now I see that we messed up big time.
Over the next 10 years or so, I met several lesbian couples who are or have been in long-distance relationships. My favourites were the ones who were separated by 1200 km for 3 years until they finally managed to move in together. There was a couple 200 km apart, where the long distance relationship lasted for a year and a half until the ‘country’ (sorry, I’m ‘country’ too and I’m used to the term) girl moved to Budapest. I currently know people who live 150 km from each other, also in a Budapest vs. countryside setup. Perhaps this Budapest – not Budapest pairing is the most common when it comes to long distance relationships. Why is that though? Budapest is the epicentre of lesbian life, so it’s easier to meet people here. Most women, however, use dating apps (hello Tinder, hello Her) where, depending on how you set the radius of the search, you can easily meet girls from hundreds of kilometres away. Many people don’t believe in long distance relationships, and based on my bad experience mentioned above, I get their point. However, it works for a lot of couples, works well and makes them happy. And their secret? That’s what I’m trying to decipher here and give you some tips on how to live a balanced and fulfilling life even when your SO is not with you day in and day out.
1. The determination and hard work of both partners is needed.
This is of course also true for any conventional relationship. In a long-term, functional relationship, both parties have to pull their weight. Be careful not to distort the balance – be sure to make the same amount sacrifices and extra steps for each other. If things are allowed to run unbalanced for a long time, the one who gives more will get worn out, will not get positive feedback, will not feel equal – and this can lead to a break-up.
2. Make plans!
Plan upcoming meetings, look up activities together. Always have at least one date fixed that you can commit to, that you can look forward to together. It’s best to plan both for short and long term, because it strengthens your bond. Without plans, it’s easy to fall into the trap of slowly losing interest.
This is a tricky point of a long-distance relationship, because sometimes you just don’t feel like picking up the phone, can’t be bothered to type or to video chat. Have quality conversations! You don’t have to text every five minutes and share every little thing immediately, instead you can try not texting during the day at all. That way you won’t feel consumed by the distance, you can get on with your life and meet friends and pursue your hobbies. This will give you plenty to talk about in the evening, and will be much more pleasant to share while video chatting.
Just because you are apart, you should not forget the importance of intimacy. You can easily turn each other on with some hot chatter of ‘what would I do to you if you were here…’.
Another great idea, which I also stole from a couple I know, is video dating – they set aside one day a week to go on a long-distance date. This can be watching a movie, sharing dinner, a game, or anything you do together. The aforementioned couple once went shopping to a Lidl ‘together’, a date which spawned a score of hilarious stories.
Let’s not forget about sex either. Vágyaim.hu, for example, offers the perfect tools for this.
Even if it seems bizarre at first, practice video/phone sex. I once had to travel for a couple of weeks for work. Before breakfast from the hotel room almost every day, my partner and I would video chat and start the day with a quick joint wank session. Needless to say, we were in quite a great mood all day and fondly reminisce about those calls ever since. I didn’t know at the time that such a thing existed, but I could have used a smart vibrator for those calls. Well, two, actually. I’ve previously written about the Satisfyer Mono Flex vibrator, which can be controlled remotely via the Satisfyer app. The remote play – video chat function allows you to have fun together despite the distance between you.And if you’re tired of the Mono Flex, try the Satisfyer Dual Pleasure smart vibrator. This little gadget is a vaginal and clitoral vibrator in one, and can also be used with the Satisfyer app, so you can get started with the remote pampering! What makes this vibrator extra special? The clitoral vibrator feature alone is a huge plus, and best of all, it’s waterproof! There’s nothing better than coming at the same time as your partner, however physically distant, while taking a relaxing bath. The vibrator itself looks nice, I would even call it pretty. And you’re guaranteed to be satisfied by its performance.
If you’d like to try out the Vágyaim.hu pleasure accessories, now you can get 20% discount on full-price products over 20.000 Ft. with the coupon code QLIT22.
Translated by Amy Soto