We may use Tinder/HER/Bumble/Zoe/OkCupid for different reasons, but we all agree on one thing: we want to find someone. And we want them to be interested in us. Platform settings vary wildly, which is why we are focusing on Tinder in this article as the most popular one.
The ideas/advice below is something that I have collected from approximately 20 women aged 20-35.
If you feel that these things do not apply to you, you won’t feel comfortable following these recommendations – ignore the parts that you don’t like and move on. Nothing is set in stone. These are not straight rules to follow, you’ll find your person the way you want to express yourself in.
In this article we are talking about women*, who set the gender as women in Tinder and are looking for other women*.
From my experience I can categorize the crowd I’ve seen:
- lesbian* women who are looking for a long term committed relationship
- lesbian* women who are looking for a one-night stand
- lesbian* women who are open to meet new people in general, and if there is a vibe – move forward
- straight women who set their search to all genders, because why not
- couples looking for a threesome
- travellers who are interested in meeting new people
- sex ads, who are probably not sex workers but who knows… (you can recognize them by mostly revealing pictures – but it’s not always the case)
- sex tourists
- bi-curious women
- straight men who failed to choose their gender on the Tinder settings
- fake profiles
I have few filters set in my head, so I swipe left those who will not make me feel good. If I am not interested in men, bi-curious people and couples, I don’t give them a chance to even talk to me, but I don’t need to specify in my account who I would reject.
Take into consideration that there are people who swipe right based on pictures, and there are people who read bios. Here we are aiming to attract both, hence we will be focusing on three big parts: pictures, bio and in the end, communication.
To state the obvious, first impressions are important. Everyone is attracted to smiley and happy faces with some expressions, so try to look relaxed and friendly. Or eccentric. Or cool. Whatever makes you feel best.
Ideally upload 3-6 pictures. The first one is the most important, so don’t forget to smile.
If you say you don’t have any good pictures of yourself, then schedule an activity. Ask your friend to take a nice picture of you, natural light, portrait mode. Nowadays each smartphone can take a decent photo if you try.
- Choose three to six photos that clearly represent your personality and everyday lifestyle.
- Make sure there is a mix of head shots, body shots and if you are adventurous, include an active photu – do not post exclusively selfies. Research shows that outdoorsy photos get 19% more swipes, and selfies get 8% fewer swipes. Mainly, you want to highlight your best features. Remember, your main Tinder profile picture can make all the difference.
- Include a picture that shows how tall you are: use a full body picture. Some women who are 155 cm wouldn’t feel comfortable meeting someone who is 180. These are extreme examples, however there are plenty of women who are taking height into consideration. Don’t waste your time. If you are above or below average, and you are confident about your height, you can even mention it in your profile description. As long as it’s important for you – do it for yourself and not for someone else.
- +1: According to Tinder’s own stats, 72 percent of users wear a neutral color clothes in their first photo. Stand out from the crowd! Wear some bright colors, try on that red t-shirt or wear a screeming yellow hat. It’s just about catching somebody’s attention. Even if most of your clothes are black and white, dig up that one red shirt you bought a while back or find a photo of you against a background that pops.
- Cover up your friends faces with emojis or blur faces.
- Post too many selfies. One or two is ok, but you have to include pictures taken of you by others. Otherwise, you are making an impression that you have no friends.
- Try to avoid pictures in sunglasses. Unless you look bombastic in those or you are Charlize Theron. Similar goes to looking away from the camera or wearing a hat. These factors can reduce your swipe rate by 15 and 12 percent (respectively), according to Tinder.
- No pictures with children that are not yours.
- No group pictures. Try guessing which one on the picture is you, not the most fun activity.
Not everyone reads descriptions. As per my experience it’s 50/50. Some read descriptions, some make quick decisions based on pictures. You might not want to share much info about yourself, but bear in mind that you need to share something that can be a conversation starter. Most importantly, be yourself and do not leave this section blank
It might feel uncomfortable. We want people to like us as we are. That’s the ideal. Tinder is a market, you need to show a little bit of yourself to make a new connection. This applies in real life too. Imagine that you were introduced to someone new and you have to approach them, open up, ask them whether you have something in common. Is it stressful? Absolutely. And imagine if you are introduced to them and they say : I love dogs, I was in Madrid, I like skating and wine is my favorite drink.
You already have a starting point!!! You can ask why wine, what’s the name of their dog, whether you live close together and you can walk dogs together, what did they like in Madrid…etc
- Specify what you are looking for: fun, ONS’s, a serious relationship, your soulmate etc.
- Use emojis – 🌈👩🏼❤️💋👩🏼👯♀️👭. Some straight women select both genders for tinder search.
By using those emojis you can indicate that you are not looking for straight friends here (👭,🌈), or you can specify the languages that you speak with flag icons. You can even tell the entire story about yourself in emojis.
- Give a match something to comment on, an opening for a conversation. Think of things that you are good at, ask friends to brainstorm with you, how would they describe you to someone? Or even ask them to write a few sentences about you and use that in your bio.
- Watch your language. That means avoiding typos and vague, cliché lines like “Looking for my partner in crime to go on adventures with!”
- If you like reading – specify the genre. If you are a Netflix fan – some favorite shows. If you have a favorite character – quote them, you might get a fan who would adore it and kaboom – a reason to talk.
- Share your favorite song.
- Dog/cat person. If you have a dog – one of the pictures should be with a dog. But not all of them. And it helps to warn people with allergies.
- If you can’t imagine kissing someone who smokes – put an emoji. Same applies if you are vegan or have something that changes your lifestyle.
- If there is something outstanding about you or you think it might attract or distract people – mention it. Examples: I am 180, I’ll always see dust on your top shelves. Or I love my curves.
- You can mentioning your pronouns on Tinder too.
- You can use your profession/education as identification. I’m a medical student, or I am working with exotic animals or I am studying to be an astronaut or I’m a cook, you’ll never be hungry with me
- Connect your Instagram account if you’d like people to see your latest photos.
- If you don’t like small talks and don’t want to spend time typing a lot, specify it:
I prefer to meet and discover you. Not up for long online conversations.
- Discover my beautiful soul/I am shy, get to know me/I have nothing to tell about me
- No couples. If you don’t want to do anything with couples – do not swipe them right. It’s that simple. It works.
Send a Message. After you’ve matched with someone, you can start chatting. Or don’t. It’s a free world *hehehehe
The lovely part about the internet is: the worst thing that can happen is that they don’t respond. Big deal. The risk does worth it in these cases, and sometimes you gotta make the first move to get what you want, girl.
If you include in your bio that you love making the first move, this may make shy women more likely to swipe right.
No one wants to feel like they’re being fed the exact same pickup line as everyone else, even if you’re only looking to hook up.
If you wouldn’t go up to five people in a bar and ask “WYD?”
Don’t do it on Tinder either! Spend two minutes on their profile, find a tailored question to ask them, and BOOM, you’re good.
I suggest you do not open the conversation with one of these:
- Hello beautiful, how was your day?
- Tell me about yourself
- What’s up?
And do not write too long messages either as a starter, that scares people.
Help for Tinder-slang:
- 420 – used to refer to cannabis or to the act of smoking cannabis.
- ONS – The abbreviation ONS is widely used online and in text messaging with the meaning “One Night Stand” to refer to a very short-term (often sexual) relationship.
- INFJ or other funny-looking 4-letter abbreviations: what these people are referring to is their personality type based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Here are the 16 personality types to check out.
Bonus point: Swipe on Sunday afternoon according to Tinder’s own research and advise.
Let the swiping begin, we wish you the best luck!