What to say on the first date? What not to say? Are there any rules? There must be some. Yaay, we’re going on a date! - Yes, but what happens then? What should I ask? How should I answer? How much do I tell about myself? What if it’s awkward? Ah, I don’t even fancy her that much, I’ll just stay home instead! Are you familiar with this inside monologue? No need to wonder why, everyone gets nervous before a first date.
You might have seen our articles about dating spots, dating apps and where can you meet lesbians* easily, but we haven’t mentioned “how” before. Regardless of sexual orientation, a first date is a new experience for everyone, whether you are experienced in the field or terrified of the whole thing and you’d rather skip to the part when you already know what they’re gonna order at the restaurant - but everyone has to get past the first dating rounds.
If you finally have a match or your eyes met at the party, if you are past the invitation or you’re on your way to the first date: panickers, non-panickers, listen up! There are a few things everyone should consider. Let’s see what to avoid and how to succeed (in chronological order):
Before the date:
The panic strikes when you’re standing in front of the wardrobe. Plaid shirt? That’s fine, but she knows you’re gay so you don’t have to emphasize it even more. If it’s your favourite and coolest shirt that gives you confidence, that’s the one. You don’t have to dress up like you’re going to the ball, just be confident in your own skin so that you can be yourself!
What to be aware of: nobody likes it if you arrive late. If you don’t even respect the other person enough to arrive on time, then don’t even bother. Some people “in the straight dating world” believe that girls can be late, but what’s appropriate if you’re meeting another girl? The answer is: nobody should be late.
During the date:
The golden rule of every date is these two words: be yourself. (Yes, even if your favourite movie is Twilight.) You have to say what you like and what you don’t, that’s it. If you only realize later on that your quirks don’t click, you’re only wasting each other’s time. Obviously this doesn’t mean that if you don’t like the same movies, you have no future, only that you have a better chance with more shared interests.
Be careful with the pre-learned conversation topics! It’s okay that you want to be prepared, but don’t take it as if it’s a job interview. Although there are similarities: you talk about your strengths, previous experiences, needs, you don’t have to bring your CV and take it real seriously. And showing off your pets’ pictures is forbidden! The only exception is if they become the topic of the conversation and the other person asks you to show them.
After the date:
Probably everyone have heard of the 24 hour rule: don’t get in contact with them until 24 hours after the date, or you’ll seem too eager. If you ask me, that’s stupid. In 24 hours you can get from Budapest to Bejing and back, just think about how many things happen during that time period. Nowadays you can get pretty close to somebody by just a Facebook profile and a phone number, you can see when they are online. If you see it anyway, why not text them? A reference back to a topic that you touched on the date or mentioning that you remember their plans for the next day, these can get you a lot of sympathy points as a conversation starter.
Maybe you won’t get a second date, but don’t be too disappointed, and most of all, don’t start looking for mistakes you’ve made. You can’t be everyone’s type and not everyone is lucky enough to find what they are looking for right away.
There are no golden rules to dating. Everything depends on what your goals are. If you’re only looking for a one-time thing, stay quiet and answer with sentences like “ Well, that’s really interesting, tell me more”. Maybe you don’t think of it as a possible long-term relationship, but you don’t want to ruin the fun...
Just think of how you start biting your nails nervously before the date, possibly the other person is just as nervous (if not even more). I can only repeat myself: no matter how cliché it may sound, “being yourself” can be the solution, and the tension you feel will pass after the first laugh you share on the date.
Now that you learned a thing or two about dating, let’s start practising: qLit speed dating starts on 29th June! Write to qlit@qlit.hu for details!
Translated by Éva Csermendy
