The next piece of our Born this way series is by Ági. Read the others' stories as well and find the series summary HERE.
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Ági (1), (1991)
The picture was taken in 1991, I was one and a half years old and I got a doll (that at the time I thought was huge) for Christmas. I remember as an elementary schooler I used to pretend she was a real baby and I was her mum. I wasn’t too popular at school, but there was a boy who would always protect me when needed. So I thought he was going to be my husband when I grow up. He transferred to a different school, and for a couple of years I forgot about him. Then at the beginning of secondary our paths crossed again.
Even then I believed he was going to be my husband, because it couldn’t be a coincidence that after all this time we met again.
We even dated for a while, we could have been the typical perfect couple, but it didn’t work out. After a while I realised I would never find a perfect partner in a man.
The time I spent trying to accept myself was hard. For 1-2 more years I still tried to be someone else, to surround myself with boys, hoping this feeling would go away – after all I had been dreaming about my wedding and becoming a mother one day all my life. More than 10 years ago society was less progressive in a lot of ways. Back then I often felt like my life was pointless, that I will never be happy, and I can never have a family.
Today it’s a lot easier. I don’t feel like that anymore. Thankfully I got to be happy because I found a truly wonderful partner.
On the other hand, my childhood dreams seem to be vanishing, because my partner doesn’t think we could live as an ordinary family.
When I get sad, I think about how only the present matters – after all, back in the day I also saw things differently than I do now. I believe the future will sort itself out and we need to live for the moment. We must not let the uncertainty of the future sour our lives.
Translated by Zsófia Ziaja
