Sometimes happiness does not mean more than being next to the person who loves us and whom we love. Read Zsu’s story, who found this kind of love.
I had spent 27 years of my life in happy and sometimes less happy heterosexual relationships. But then at some point of my life, I was overwhelmed by this feeling. That bone-crushing, irresistible desire of the other, of holding her hand, hugging her, kissing her, and going to bed next to her at night and waking up every morning the same way. I hadn’t felt anything like this before, not this deeply, not this intensely. It was all complicated by the fact that the object of my desire was a woman this time.
The story of my coming out is still an ongoing one. There are a lot of people who know already, but there are some who will only find out now.
Even though I was extremely concerned about my family’s reaction, they were completely cool about it. I struggled a lot with how to tell them. I always felt that I wanted to tell them, to share my happiness with them, so that they can know that my life is complete.
Admitting it to myself wasn’t easy at first. Nor to my friends, but a few bottles of wine loosened the tension. Their words of encouragement and reassuring helped a lot in making me accept that my feelings were completely normal. Realizing that this is indeed normal and accepting that attraction has actually no sex were inspiring. Once you accept these things on the inside, you will communicate it to the outside world.
So the people around me have accepted it. Because this is how they love me and they want me to be happy. And I am, I am happy, completely happy, because every morning I wake up next to the person I love. More than anything, unconditionally.
Yesterday I was talking with my 86-year-old grandmother, this is my final thought:
- How is Zsófi?
- She is very well.
- Don’t leave her!
Juhász Zsu
Translated by Blanka Barabás
