The next piece of our Born this way series is by Ágota. Read the others' stories as well and find the series summary HERE.

Ágota (4), 1995

 

Purple suit! Any further questions? In this picture I’m waddling across my (approximately) fourth year on those cute little feet. I beg your pardon about the potty next to the door, it must have belonged to my sister. My outfit is just flawless, and so is the way I’m putting my hands in my pocket. I think on the left the ink from the previous photo must have stuck to the picture. Christmas tree. You had to dress up, obviously. In retrospect: thanks, mum, for not making me wear a skirt!

I was only three when I declared I won’t be wearing skirts, ever. I stood by this principle up until the age of 15, when my friends talked me into doing it: you need a skirt to date boys, the shorter the better (!) preferably with heels (!). I could find a picture of that, but for now let’s stick to words alone. I did it, I wore it. Up to the age of 17 I was willing to be miserable in my clothes again. Then I moved on because if I didn’t feel good in a skirt and I didn’t want to impress boys at all, then this was doubly not my thing. (An aside for the youth: boys won’t fall for the skirt anyway, but for you.)

As a teen it wasn’t easy to realise and come to terms with being a lesbian. Fear of lack of acceptance and of dating. It’s hard being gay in a small town, knowingly and unknowingly cut off from the means of learning about gayness. But I had no choice, I had a crush. And having a crush is serious business, it must be taken seriously at all ages: if you have a crush on someone, you want them. If you want them, then nothing else matters. Not even them being a girl.

It’s been ten years since I met my first schoolgirl-love. Much has passed since, the icecaps are still melting, I grew out of school and the purple vest.

But I don’t think I’ll ever grow out of girls, I’m in love and yes, with a girl. As is she with me. Could I ask for anything more? Of course. Family, home, love, peace, blah-blah, all the cheesy stuff Bridget Jones would ask for. Well, I get all that out of being with a girl and, you know, it’s all just fine that way. If you also like girls, that’s just fine too. Because let’s not forget: having a crush is serious business!

 

Translated by Zsófia Ziaja

The project is a “steal with pride” movement, we aspire to create something similar to this blog, in qLit-style:   https://borngaybornthisway.blogspot.com

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