This newly launched series was inspired by the article series Is the Grass Always Greener on the Other Side? That long-running series brought us perspectives from lesbians all around the world. Now, we want to take a closer look at lesbian families.
As the days get shorter and summer fades, sometimes we get a touch of homesickness living abroad. One remedy is to spend some time surrounding yourself with things from home. In that vein, we have decided to take our rainbow families series from Norway back to Hungary to look at an interview with Ildikó Schreiber who is raising three sons with her partner.
In the interview Ildikó discusses the process she went through from coming out to starting a rainbow family. When she was 25 years old she realized that she was attracted to girls. After meeting a woman just as friends, she soon realized she had feelings that toward her that she shouldn’t for a friend. However, it wasn’t easy to acknowledge the feelings she had toward her friend. As she puts it, “I think anyone with common sense realizes that with these feelings you join a minority group, and whether intentional or not, there are people who discriminate against minority groups.” So for her, these feelings started a period of struggle.
I think many lesbians out there can relate Ildikó’s experience and how through reflection she began to connect the dots in her childhood. Eventually, she came to terms with her feelings and began to come out. She says, “I think the process of accepting yourself and being able to bravely come out never ends. Even giving this interview now is a step for me to dare to come out, but the first step is coming out to yourself.”
It was not just a journey for her to come out, but also for her parents. She explains that every parent wants their child’s life to be happier and easier. So it took her parents some time to understand that the happiest route in life for her may not be the easiest.
Ildikó has always wanted children and, in her own words, was lucky enough to be able to do it when it was still legal. Ildikó and her partner were not officially registered partners at the time, so she was able to go as a single woman to the sperm bank.
She thinks it is troubling that there is no legal solution for rainbow families (in Hungary) because it forces people to do it illegally. Those who want families will do anything to make it happen, and just by making something forbidden, doesn’t mean the desire to have it goes away.
She and her partner have always been honest with her sons about how they were conceived at the sperm bank with the help of a doctor. Her sons don’t struggle with this, but sometimes the other children at school have difficulty understanding how someone can have two moms and no dad. All in all, her sons like to say that they not only have double the moms, but double the love! Check out the full interview here!
