Born This Way – Zsófi (7)

The next piece of our Born this way series is by Zsófi. Read the others' stories as well and find the series summary HERE.
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Zsófi (7), 1999


In this picture the 7-year-old Zsófi is smiling in the lobby of the hotel where my mom used to work. There was a Santa Claus celebration every year there and we were in line with my sister for the sweets each time. I am wearing a skirt with fancy shoes and I even have tights on. As a little kid I used to love wearing skirts, dresses and dressing up for any occasion. My sister, on the other hand, hated if she weren’t allowed to wear pants for any kind of occasion and when my mom tried to tell her otherwise she always lost. During our childhood my sister was always mistaken for a boy, because she wore boyish clothes, she had very short hair. On the contrary, I had long hair, I often wore skirts and I even had high heels for my dance performances.

When I started high school things started to change. I was searching myself and that was the time when it turned out no matter how many boyfriends I had, I still wanted to spend most of the time with a girl who was in the same year as me. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t love. Well, with very little success.

Maybe because of this or my teenage rebellion, I completely changed in this time. My style took a 180 degrees turn: I became the boyish kid in the family and I slowly started to understand that the Charmed ones are not on my walls because of their outstanding acting skills. I still had weak tryings with boys but when I finished high school I was already sure I had zero interest in boys and I was done wearing skirts. Metaphorically and practically as well, the last time I wore a skirt was at the freshman ball at university.

Since then, I came out to everyone who is important in my life, including my parents, who did not understand at all how the the little skirtwearer Zsófi turned out to be who she is now. They struggled to accept my queerness for a long time, they said awful things which were not meant to hurt me, but without my friends I couldn’t have got over them. After each argument I did not think at all that this would ever be easier. However, communication and time can solve a lot of things. After many years I do think my parents and also I evolved.

I don’t want to hide who I am anymore, I accepted that the skirtwearer Zsófi is also the part of today’s Zsófi, and I believe my parents are on the way to walking together on Pride someday.

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