Coming outInspiration

Born This Way – Ibolya (5)

The next piece of our Born this way series is by Ibolya. Read the others' stories as well and find the series summary HERE.
Our page concept was inspired in LGBTQ+ solidarity by

Ibolya (5), 1994

This is me and my brother around 1994. Up until our teens we were quite close to each other, even though we were very different. He always loved being the center of attention but I was rather shy. He loved toys that were traditionally intended for boys, and I loved playing with dolls, but we would always find a way to combine our activities and play together.

I had a massive Barbie collection that I was very proud of. Instead of asking for a Ken doll I preferred giving a shorter haircut to one of my Barbies, dressed her in more boyish clothes and from that moment on, she was the prince in my stories. For one of my birthdays my parents surprised me with a real Ken doll but they didn’t get the reaction they were hoping for. I started crying, threw it in the corner, and refused to look at it for even a second (which is quite symbolic in retrospect). Besides this, nothing really happened during my childhood that would’ve implied that growing up I won’t be interested in men.

More than a decade and a half passed after this photo was taken when I met a girl I found more fascinating, interesting and attractive than any of the guys I’d ever been with. That was the moment when everything came into place, when I understood why I had felt that my previous relationships had all been dull and boring. Until then I never understood what the true and passionate love was that films and songs were about and that my friends were talking about. It was so liberating to realise who I really am.

I was a bit afraid of my parents’ opinion about my coming out - I waited with it as long as it was possible, which was not that difficult because we lived thousands of kilometers away from each other. When I got into a serious relationship, we decided to visit Hungary together. I knew I could not wait any longer. I had absolutely no idea how to come out to my parents - I knew they were open-minded, but I wasn’t sure what their reaction was going to be.

What I did know was that I wanted to tell my brother first - even though our communication mostly consisted of pictures of cute animals, I knew there was no chance of the talk ending negatively. I took a deep breath and sent him a message that I was in a relationship with a girl, to which he only replied ‘Cool, me too!’. Afterwards he was the person who listened to all my concerns about my parents’ possible reaction and after I came out to them - with an outcome not as ideal as was hoping for -, he was the one who comforted me and told me that eventually everything was going to be fine.

Even though we are not as close to each other as we used to be when this picture was taken, and sometimes even weeks pass by without us talking to each other, it’s a very amazing feeling to have someone in my family who stands up for me and accepts me the way I am.

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