The next piece of our Born this way series is by Kriszti. Read the others' stories as well and find the series summary HERE.
Our page concept was inspired in LGBTQ+ solidarity by BornThisWayBlog.com
Kriszti (4), (1995)
Every year we were asked to stand in front of a shelf full of toys, where we would have worn two different outfits in order to take pictures of our everyday lives in preschool. I still do not understand the main concept of it, but I do remember clearly that I wanted to pose exclusively in a knight’s set as it involved a sword as well. You can see on my face the feelings I had when I couldn’t escape the “princessing”.
I was already crazy about soccer at that time and I loved to wear my brother’s T-shirt. Later, the gritty and outspoken girl I was became a quiet and private teenager. The feeling of otherness occurred when I was 10, however, the situation was not, of course, as evident for me as it became four years later: I wasn’t simply more boyish than the others, it was much more than that. I couldn’t share my feelings with anyone, because living in a small town, I knew that even the walls had ears. Back then some daydreaming after an episode of The L Word was enough for me. I was often wondering about whether there existed a world where lesbians lived “normal” lives.
Although I realized early that I was attracted to girls, accepting it was a long and slow process. Due to my compulsion to fit in, I took ballroom dance and cheerleading classes for years, however, everyone just cries out once they see me moving with music in the background. I had some lame attempts of dating boys, which served only one purpose: there was no doubt that I was not only a little weird, but attracted to girls. I was terrified of disappointing my family, my teachers, my friends, therefore, I always preferred telling white lies.
Now I know that the only person responsible for my life is me. If my life is different from what is dictated by the unwritten rules of a small town, it does not mean that I am less than anyone else. I do not have to force the princess role anymore. Today I am perfectly aware that there is a way to live a normal life as a lesbian, but at first we have to accept ourselves as we are.
Translated by Blanka Barabás