The next piece of our Born this way series is by Eni. Read the others' stories as well and find the series summary HERE.
Eni (11), 1995
When I was 10 years old and my parents got divorced, we moved to a new apartment with my mom and my older sister. I lived in the same room with my sister and we decided this was the perfect time for decorating all the walls from top to bottom with posters of celebrities from Bravo and Popcorn magazines (magazines for teenagers, popular at the time). There is a hole between the posters in the picture, I bet my cat tore off something from there.
In Bravo magazine our favourite part was of course Love, sex, intimacy in which people sent in the most bizarre stories and interesting questions about love and sex. We were religiously reading these, but I cannot remember any of the articles talking about homosexuality.
In the mid 90’s, there were not many resources other than these teen magazines, if you were interested in the topic of sex: we only played solitaire and minesweeper on the computer, we didn’t talk about sex with family, and at school it was obvious that girls like boys and vica versa. When we played spin the bottle, we just skipped same-sex kisses.
I cannot remember homosexuality as a topic at conversations at school either - maybe except for Freddie Mercury. Fortunately, I also cannot remember any of my classmates calling someone a fag for being too feminine for a boy or too masculine for a girl. Had there been something like this I would surely have been involved: I loved boyish clothes, playing with toy cars and toy guns, I was always playing soccer with the guys, and those who didn’t know me could have believed I was actually a boy, I even cut my hair short.
Nobody thought I am “different” in any way, though. I was simply Eni who was bored to death when girls were talking about makeup and who had to be taught to walk more like a girl for school plays.
The loving acceptance I received from the people around me helped me accept my love for a girl without any hesitation for the very first time. I wasn’t really searching for answers or examples on the internet (because we finally had internet!) I simply decided to live in the moment.
To be more precise, I would have lived my love openly and honestly if it were only for me. However, in my first few relationships with girls I was forced to hold myself back and hide my feelings. Several of my girlfriends haven’t even told their closest family members or friends that I am not just another friend, but their love.
I realized there and then as a young adult that for others, accepting yourself is not as easy and obvious as it was for me.
I hope the fact that I live openly today (sometimes even my colleagues greet me with “Good Morning Miss Editor-in-chief!” referring to my position at qLit.hu) will benefit not only my happiness, but I could also inspire others to be brave and come out.
Translated by Dóra Bajnóczi
The project is a “steal with pride” movement, we aspire to create something similar to this blog, in qLit-style: https://borngaybornthisway.blogspot.com